Monday, May 28, 2012

Come What May

Letting go is tough.  Certainly this becomes obvious when we must say goodbye to loved ones--death after all is not part of the intended order.  However, this truth about the sheer challenge of letting go runs much wider than the brutal goodbyes.

We may find ourselves in situations in life where we are called to let go of our plans, let go of our dreams,  perhaps even let go of our security.  I know that this is a particular struggle for me: I have such a specific image in my head for what I want out of life, for what I want each new year, each new day to look like.  When reality turns out to be different, I become easily frustrated and even despondent.  I feel as though I have failed in some way.  I begin to doubt my calling and my purpose.

Increasingly, I realize that I need to let go of the intricate plans and expectations that I've built for myself, and simply live faithfully day to day, trusting that God's plans are better than mine.  I want so badly to have a specific kind of life, a specific kind of career and to be a specific kind of person that I end up putting all of my energy into trying to achieve these things.

I've put so much stock into my own plans and my own desires that they have become the ultimate goal of my life.  At this point, I must back up and recognize that faithful service should be the ultimate goal of my life.  This does not mean sitting idly by and letting life happen, but rather approaching each day with a spirit of joy and gratitude--living out the trust that God will provide.

I keep such a tight grip on my expectations and it is exhausting.  Maybe it is time instead to invest that effort and energy to doing my best with each moment.

Lord, grant me strength.

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