Saturday, November 26, 2011

Making the Final Approach Above December

...and the conditions aren't great--sleet; the runway is icy; a strong tailwind consistently blowing at speeds in excess of 45 mph...

No, really, it's not as grim as that. It's just that life is somewhat overwhelming right now--a lot to accomplish, a lot to navigate. I won't crash and burn (or at least, I don't think I will), but I also know that getting through the next three weeks will require energy that I myself do not have.

I need to work on my coping mechanisms in times like these. Between fight or flight, I inevitably flee or freeze up like a deer in the headlights. I need to dive in and tackle each obstacle and responsibility in front of me head-on, and do this without hesitation... however, I am bad at this.

So, I do the only thing I can do, and I pray for the strength to persevere, and the desire to follow God through the tangled brambles of responsibilities and challenges that the next few weeks will hold. It's all too easy to do my own thing, and doing my own thing has never ended well for me. Maybe I'll learn and be able to follow my own advice this time.

I'm an escapist, through and through. When will I learn that escapism is neither restful or productive? I won't find myself restored, nor will I find myself any closer to having what I need to do accomplished. True rest comes from trusting in God and that trust is lived out through engaging what's in front of me. What's tough is this stage right now where I know I should trust and I want to be able to trust, but for some reason I don't trust, and therefore, I am not moving forward. It sucks.

Father, I'm standing on the edge of a couple very important weeks: lots to do, lots to decide, lots to endure. My ability to trust seems to be so thin that it has disappeared with the ease and comfort of earlier times; nudge me over the edge, Lord, and equip me to trust you as I take action and make decisions. Amen.

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