A Work in Progress

After our debate
on the inevitability
of the fall of Rome,
I gave my freshmen
a Christmas present.

I showed a video
that I had found
while cleaning my room
in Washington
this past summer--
a newscast project
I had made for
school
during my sophomore year
which was exactly
ten years ago, fall 2001
(scary thought)

I was 5'9", 140 pounds
of wiry, gawking
awkwardness;
peering owl-like from
behind large
round
spectacles,
trying so hard to
be funny
but coming across as
nice (sure),
but desperate.

I couldn't help but laugh
as the 15-year-old version
of me
tried to puff out his
chest and
look impressive
(a look totally
undermined by my size M
shirt hanging like an over-sized flannel
on a scarecrow).

A work in progress,
half-baked--
that's what I was.

Then I thought,
how much has changed?
I might not have
the owl-like spectacles,
and I might have gained
a few inches
and more than a few
pounds,
but at the core
I am still
very much
the gawking, awkward kid
who wants to be
noticed,
who tries too hard.

A work in progress,
half-baked--
that's what I am.

If you can't laugh at yourself...